Has your secret mission been compromised? Then quick, destroy the printed evidence with this finger-cranked paper shredder. But we gotta admit the promotional literature is a lot funnier than James Bond delusions.
Aside from destroying stolen documents, this little gadget is also useful because it “Slices receipts, bills, notes, break-up letters, ex-girlfriend pics, restraining orders…”
The rest of the soft-sell product description is also quite entertaining as it conveys the interior monologue of an identity thief ent on ensnaring a victim. Here’s an example:
“See, it’s like the law of the jungle out here. Eat, or be eaten. You’re the gazelle, and I’m the tiger. You don’t have to be the fastest gazelle, just faster than the slowest guy. So when you say that shredding isn’t secure, know that I’d much rather go for the nice slow gazelle. If you shred your stuff, I’m not going to bother with you. There are plenty out there who don’t shred, and their credit is just fine and dandy.”
The above explains the genuine usefulness of a pocket shredder; for papers that you’d rather not have other people rummage through, just slide ’em in and viola! Pulp spaghetti.
This six inch long gadget will set you back $24, but we’re so charmed by its usefulness that purchasing a couple would be cool.